When Your Body Fails You….

..and you’re slowly beginning to hate it.

When I got pregnant with my daughter it was literally first time right out of the gate (like seniors on prom night…) and we were no where ready to actually have it take. Both working jobs that had small salaries but we were happy.  Small apartment, just a cat living with us & we were going to make it work.

Now we want our daughter to have a sibling (husband prefers a boy.. she wants a sister) and oh my god it’s getting frustrating.  Back then I was cleaning with chemicals, never working out, drinking coffee like a fiend, etc. and here I am using Norwex for no chemicals, taking supplements with Young Living, and going to the gym almost habitually three to four times a week.  So explain what is going on.

Granted the main difference is: house hunting, stressful jobs, opposite schedules, and taking care of a toddler.  It’s hard I get that BUT how do you do it? I mean yes, I am an LEO wife, I didn’t sign up for it so please don’t even mention that.  I signed up to be a wife to my best friend who at the time was not an LEO at all.  Honestly, we both forgot he applied.  We were already married a year & a few days when he got the call for the physical, seriously, we forgot.  We have our challenges as a couple, different parenting styles, who takes the trash out, etc. but we’re happy.  I mean we have grown up a lot in the past 8 years we have been together, but we are still happy.  Do I worry, yes? Did General Hospital this past week with Ryan Paevy’s character Nathan West’s departure rock me to the core and put it into perspective as to losing an officer? Yep, straight ugly cry.  And if you haven’t seen the episode because you watch another soap, that’s okay.. but I thought it was worse than Jack Pearson’s death on This Is Us.

But alas, here we are.  This is our life: hating my body.  I start clomid this week for the first cycle & all I know are twins who came from clomid & for that I am PETRIFIED.  How did you handle it? Knowing you’ve done so much change in the past few years & yet your body is like “ummm no thanks”– when does the hating of your body end? Once you conceive or once you deliver? And if you didn’t conceive on clomid how did you survive fertility specialists?  I know it’s all in my head because my doctor has the best intentions of making it work for us but it is a little stressful.

The only good thing is that it’s my birthday in a few days, my best friend gets married at the end of the year (& I’m a bridesmaid!), and the EAGLES WON THE SUPER BOWL!  Seriously how amazing is that?!  I mean the past few weeks while has been stressful have been pretty amazing.

How’s your week going?


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