All Those Tests….

and nothing.  Freaking nothing.  “Unexplained Infertility”– well thanks.  Best part? Husband talked the doc into MORE MEDICINE.. for me.

According to him, shots won’t work, IUI won’t work & the best bet is IVF.. which my insurance doesn’t cover.  So what does that mean?  I’m not having a baby.. so I can sell all of O’s outfits as a newborn, the cribs, the changing table, the nursery decor, the crib mattress, everything.  That will cut down some closing costs.  $50 here, $60 there.  Might as well.. both cribs we have are convertible, the mattresses we have are $100+ and we can make a quick buck off of those.. and then the outfits.. well while they have memories of good infant times… I’ll never have another one so might as well get rid of it.

So what exactly was wrong?  NOTHING.  All my tests came back FINE.. ABOVE WHAT HE WANTED IN PATIENTS!  Husband?  He’s okay… some deficiencies but nothing too worrisome the doc said.  So why does this feel like my world is ending? I’m mourning a baby that’s never been in my hands.. or will be in my uterus.  According to my doc, O was a rarity & probably will never happen again.  Let’s add more stress to my life: packing my life away, donating a bunch of shit because I don’t want to move with it, emptying out a storage unit that will never be needed again because of a car seat that will never be used either…. I’m just over everything.  And if that’s not enough- will I ever be just okay with O?  I should be, she’s healthy & all in all a great kid.  Will husband be okay with O? Not at all.. want to know why? His family name.. he’s a 3rd so naturally he needs a 4th.  Naturally.  HA! That’s a hysterical word since well.. naturally doesn’t work & neither does medication.. so thanks for nothing uterus.  And if that’s not enough pressure.. his brother is the last of the males with the family name to carry it on… no pressure.

What is it with the phrase: “New house, new baby” and when do I tell people to pound sand and not say that shit around me? Do I act like O was the one and done baby or do I just openly talk about the “unexplained infertility” that’s been labeled and go on with my life.  Meanwhile people who shouldn’t be procreating because they’re terrible human beings are sneezing and popping out kids.

Well back to packing my life up because well.. that’s all I’m good for.  Next month there will be a twin size bed & no more cribs… EVER.  Since well, I won’t need one ever again…


3 thoughts on “All Those Tests….

  1. Hey, I have also been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. It’s hard to know how to fix something when you don’t know where to start, right? I feel you in some other ways too, even if I’m not having issues with secondary infertility. We have a detached house. We have great finances. Some of my coworkers are 19-21 and are suddenly and accidentally pregnant. Why?! Why not us? Was there a reason they said IUI would not work?


    • They believe the IUI won’t work due to the 4 cycles of Clomid not working.. naturally trying OR IUI to let the process “naturally take place after the insemination” will not work. That’s where the deficiency is. After a day or 2 my husband’s specimen had a little less than what they wanted numerically, but nothing astoundingly low where it would cause alarm. So IVF with fertilization would be best because we’re fine everywhere else… he says I’d be pregnant immediately.. BUT.. that cost.. that cost is so high!

      Liked by 1 person

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